Honesty is A Serial Killer

So I sent out a bunch of Thank You Cards today. I start off saying I will only write three or four, because, honestly, writing them is a killer…three hours today…mostly on facebook and I only wrote 12..HAHA. . However, I got a good chunk out of the way today…

$2,600 is thankfully significantly less than my Journey internship ($3,600), but raising it is no easier. I’ve found out so far that it is the people I least expect that have given me the most…. We are less than 47 days out from our Journey internship…about a month and two weeks you guys!…some people might have already raised the req. amount (there was a girl in the Journey program that raised almost $10,000 or $6,400 more than req.). Then there is the rest of us that struggle….and I mean struggle to raise the $2,600. And then there are other costs: passports, immunizations, gas, clothes, toiletries, food, entertainment. These definitely take out about another $1,000 to survive the summer. What do we do…what happens?

Someone told me that they should add to the expectations that your spring semester would pretty much be hell since everything bad and everything that can go wrong does. What we are doing and are going to do this summer hugely impacts not only us, but students and two continents. And we forget that there is a force that does exist that is against the revolutionary hero we follow and this dude named Satan will do everything possible to ruin our semester, summer, and lives.

I have raised around 55% of what I asked for…$2600. I cringe to be honest, because there is something inside of me that says it is not enough, or to feel ashamed because you probably have the least amount raised so far. And then there are the personal accusations that hit us hard, you are not worthy, no one cares, no one believes in your cause. Trent, you are forgotten, your influence in your youth has been forgotten, all you’ve done has been forgotten….bam! They go on and on and they hurt….really bad.

It is here were things can change…and almost always they do. It is here that prayer isn’t just a verb, it is life. It is here when faith kicks into gear and when God just humbles the crap out of you. It is here where you are broken, empty, maybe penniless or on the verge. It is here were He steps out and into our view. It is here when He becomes tangible, even though he has be and done everything in and through us all along. It is here when he steps down and walks beside us. It is here were our internship really begins.

And boy, I am ready…I met with a friend who has been a significant leader in my life for the past 6 or so years. I spilled my heart, my pain, my frustrations or her and that I felt so insignificant and unworthy for this internship. And she said something that I wrestle with day and night…

“You are exactly where God wants you to be.”

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