I Can’t Cop Out


So I survived yesterday. I didn’t bomb the second exam I took. I think I actually aced it. However, the second part of the exam is a take-home essay. Eh. The question seems very horrific, but when you break it down, shmeezy peezey. I have been desperate lately, for many things really… God, Africa, Money, a Job, good grades. Mostly I have been desperate for just peace and comfort and stability. Being between jobs has not been easy. I am working at B&B Awards on the square in Cumming twice a week, but it won’t cover the gas and new house payments that will be charged to me in Oct. and Nov. I have been putting more and more effort into finding a job the past two weeks with just no luck. I could just cop out, but I really don’t want to, and really it would be disrespectful to myself, my family, and my friends. Why should I cop out? Really, I have it made. I am still alive and breathing, whereas every day it is a battle for my aunt to survive as the cancer has taken its last stand. And my friend, he is in emotional turmoil because his marriage is on the rocks and his wife is too selfish to see that she is just as much of the problem as he is. And what about what I experienced in Africa? They are happy with what they have, they are content and full of joy.
So why should I cop out? I am to the point where I am almost fully over myself, yet little things keep me from being…well, who God intends me to be. I really doon’t be the crap out of myself anymore when I screw up because I know God loves me where I am at and when I begin to be more desperate for him, he fixes what I can’t fix. I need to live for today, for God will provide.

1 John 3:3
Everyone who has this hope in him purifies himself, just as he is pure.

I take hope in this verse. And I’ll be honest, I haven’t fully digested what all it means yet, but just a glance over it gives me comfort. Don’t worry, don’t fret, don’t anything…just trust and be desperate for growing closer to Him.

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One comment

  1. Hello Trent. I found your post while doing a google search for ‘disrespectful to myself’-an interesting google search in itself… ;o)
    I like that verse 1 John 3:3…I know I’ve seen it before, but it provided me a jumping point for some time with God today – thank you. God has been speaking with me this year about ‘abiding’ in Him. To be filled by Him each day.

    Andrew Murray in his writings on abiding has been an amazing help for me to understand how this actually works itself out.

    I wrote the following in the margin of a chapter called “Day by Day” in Murray’s book:
    “Just trust Him and abide in Him today.
    Tomorrow is His.
    Start in the morning and give your heart to Him and allow Him to give His heart to you.
    Receive His heart and allow Him to get your heart – as much of your heart you are willing to give Him, He will receive and handle with love and care.
    Trust Him with more of your heart this morning than yesterday.”

    When we are disrespectful to ourselves, we are disrespectful to Him…especially if we’ve allowed Him to fill us-what place does a low view of ourselves have when the God of the Universe is dwelling in us? It’s not thinking higher than ourselves than we ought – but thinking so highly of Him and what He is doing through us in spite of us that gives me great strength and value to face the difficulties life brings with patience, joy, love, kindness, and self control that is not only respectful to Him and to others, but also to me.

    in Him~
    ~Cynthia

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