Chris’ Letters – July 10th

These are letters I sent to Chris in 2006. My deepest regret was that I allowed myself to slip away from writing them to her. There are over 10 original letters I wrote to her. I hope there will be more. Whether she is able to read them or not, I will continue. These letters are raw and uncut. They are real. And if I hurt anyones feelings it was because I was not brave enough to confront what I said. Chris however did on Sunday October 14th, 2007 what I could not do. So, Chris, this is for you:
– October 15th, 2007

July 10th, 2006
Good Morning Chris! Well, it may be afternoon or a day or two from now when you read this, but all the same! I’ve been in a lot of pain for awhile with all that has happened to my church, friends, you, and other things. God has been patient with me and has allowed nights of bitterness and anger when needed and days of sorrow when the clouds came. Lately, I have clung to Him again. I just can’t shake Him off! Haha! It’s been hard the third time round, Chris! I felt the second time you had cancer that no one was being serious. I was convinced that they though that since you got through it the first time, the second time would be easier. Well, we all were fooled and then the third round came. I bet God is amazed at how many times He has to use you to get just a few of us to pay attention. I’ve finally pushed a little time to reflect about my walk with God and how much you have helped me in life. We were sorting through books and my mom wanted to get rid of a few, but I quickly snatched the Boxcar Children, How to Eat Fried Worms, and James and the Giant Peach. By the way, How to Eat Fried Worms is going to be in theaters soon. I may take Laura to see it! I hope to be in Laura’s life, what you where and still are in my life!  So, in the time God allowed me to be on my own and deal with the junk I had, I learned a lot. It is so rare to come to the realization of how great our God is, and then realize that we still can’t being to realize how great He is! Jared Heard, a pastor from California that I love used the illustration of a fish bowl with two fishes in it. The fish think that the only world is the world inside their water bowl, and that is all. They can’t see beyond the glass and think that there is nothing else. Immediately when I understood that I looked up and imagined the building, sky, clouds, and then spacing breaking apart and revealing the brightest light and then my mind couldn’t begin to imagine beyond that. A little me and a BIG Him. Most of us and most in our family I don’t believe has seen what I’ve seen, they need a little help, and I think you are the best answer! Mom has had a rough time as well dealing with the reality that God may call you home, I have finally come to grip with the thought and know that like Rick Pearson said, either way, WE WIN! YOU WIN! I WIN! It’s a powerful statement, and you may need to re-read it over and over again. We win Chris. We are not limited to this world for we were not made for it, and most of us live under the illusion that life is within this world when our lives exist beyond it!
You helped me so much when I was dealing with Rick Pearson, and now it seems Rick has been helping me so much with dealing with you! So, from now on I am going to do my best to send daily messages to you. You are not asked to reply, and you are not asked to daily read them, you’ll just need some ink. I don’t want to post in your guestbook for that it your space and the people you’ve inspired. Your journal on there is inspiring and enriching so many lives. Every word you say is being soaked in by those who have and have not centered their lives around God. Every word that comes out of your mouth God has made golden, never take it for granted. So here we begin with my first bit of encouragement….a day late.

Your Nephew and Brother,

I thought the best way to start out was with a Bible verse, but then I was at Rick Pearson’s site and found his first joutnal entry hoping you would find encouragement!

By Rick Pearson from the Bone Marrow Transplant Unit at Northside Hospital, Atlanta, GA

A way to express the newness and fear of what I’ve been through in the past couple of days is something I’ve found hard to explain. Lots lead up to two days ago, but when Leukemia was the new battle, things changed. Not in my heart or in my mind- God has truly been constant in holding me high- but the unkown procedures, and the weight of being chosen to be someone whom God has chosen to do something powerful through is staggeringly sobering. I’ve often wondered about what it must feel like to be a great apostle who suffered to carry God’s word and hope to places. I think I’m beginning to feel the weight, and for now at least, I will accept the task of bringing hope to a cancer ward.

The support has been the most humbling thing I’ve ever known. To see a world of people who have impacted my life, and in some minescule way have been touched by mine, all pull together to support me and make God famous is my breath. Then at the end of the day, there’s the three of us: Me, Great Big God, and the wonderful woman who became my fiance yesterday! No one will ever be able to adequately be told or read about the rock that Suzanne has been to me. Her words and prayers are always in perfect time with where my heart is- or needs to be. When all is said and done, she will be the one who gets me and lots of others through this.

Today I stand on how important it is to realize that my suffering is sharing in Christ’s to develop a truer open faith:
“Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, Your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don’t try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way.” – James1:1-2

A sound has been constantly repeating on my iPod lately and it is called “You Never Let Go” By Matt Redman on the Passion ’06: Everything Glorious CD. If it seems familiar, it is because it is Isaiah 40.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death
Your perfect love is casting out fear
And even when I’m caught in the middle of the storms of this life
I won’t turn back
I know You are near

And I will fear no evil
For my God is with me
And if my God is with me
Whom then shall I fear?
Whom then shall I fear?

Oh no, You never let go
Through the calm and through the storm
Oh no, You never let go
In every high and every low
Oh no, You never let go
Lord, You never let go of me

And I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
A glorious light beyond all compare
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
We’ll live to know You here on the earth


Yes, I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
Still I will praise You, still I will praise You

Chorus: (2x’s)

Now you need to listen to the song! Keep lighting the path for people! Talk to you tomorrow!

– Trent

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